


Fatuous

by Talvi



Category: Linkin Park
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Infidelity, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 19:57:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17987612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talvi/pseuds/Talvi
Summary: Joe's reflections on Mike and Chester's special relationship over the years.Was it love?He doesn't know but it ended in the worst way possible.He now lost two friends..Or Joe goes to Anna to give his condolences. Chester and Mike had commited suicide together.This was like the saddest thing I've ever written.





	Fatuous

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Fatuo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17866514) by [Talvi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talvi/pseuds/Talvi). 



> Some things first:  
> I do ship Bennoda.  
> I love Anna and Talinda.  
> When I imagine Chester and Mike together I don't think of a toxic relationship.  
> I know Chester was sober.  
> I know Joe wasn't on Linkin Park's last concert.  
> .  
> This was actually written for a contest on toxic/non toxic relationships.  
> Versión en español: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17866514  
> .  
> Poor Joe.  
> .  
> English isn't my first language. But also the change in some verb tenses is on purpose.

I knew they had been sleeping together for years. Well, I was sure that they were more than just sleeping. And that did bother me, of course. I was sure that they had been with that for over ten years and that, eventually, their relationship (or whatever they wanted to call that) would affect the band. After all, we all had started as young men in their twenties, anxious to sign a millionaire contract with a music producer and a record company and show our music to the world. That dream had become truth and now we were the music of two generations. So I didn’t want that that, for what the six of us had worked so hard, would fall down because of a public scandal. Because that is what it would had been. And not because they were both men. But because they were both married men, and with children. Family men, over forties, that were hiding in the dressing room to… No. I knew I had to do something.

So I tried talking to any of the other guys in the band, after all, we were all really close, what did I have to lose?

Apparently everything. Apparently, I was the only idiot who was just realizing what was happening. And the others were ok with all that? Of course, they said. Part of the band’s success was the chemistry they had on stage. And part of that chemistry was due to the fact that they had connecting bedrooms in every hotel. They complement each other, the guys said. And I was no one to say anything because they were good husbands and fathers. It was just that, they, well, enjoyed each other.

But there was something else, a spark when their eyes met, when he started the first chords on the piano they played acoustic, and the other smiled, just before he started singing.

I didn’t care. I had to face them and demand an explanation, because one of these days, if that thing was serious, one of them is going to blow everything up. One of them drinks too much, almost every day, even when he says he’s been sober for ten years. I know because his wife told me, because his older son saw him getting up in the middle of the night, grab a beer and sit on the couch in the darkness. I appreciate her for being by his side and being his support. But if they do have an emotional relationship, it is not going to work. They’ve been friends for twenty years. But they are both very unstable. The other one, he doesn’t even realize, but he falls into any manipulation, from anyone. He becomes co-dependent, and it happened almost immediately with…it happened, I knew it in that second rehearsal, because they wouldn’t take their eyes off each other. And I won’t deny it, the spark they have make their duos work, where their voices go side by side and complete each other, and in every look they share while they hug waving at the fans with everybody screaming the band’s name.

But.

I’ve seen them both with a broken heart. I’ve seen them cry, get drunk, get high and start screaming at the others. Just because a woman had played with their feelings. It never happened to both at the same time, luckily. And the worst thing is that yes, they had each other, because nor me, nor any of the other guys were enough. They fell into each other’s arms, not even hiding after a night of alcohol. You would just see them hugging on the street, when it was almost sunrise and our manager had to go and pull them apart before the paparazzi got to them. And the next morning they wouldn’t get down breakfasting until mid-day.

Also.

I’m sorry, but that infatuation they always have for each other was kind of foolish, childish. A man, at his forties, should not lose himself for another person in that way. Call me old-fashioned, I don’t care.

I used to see them, from behind my console, in every concert. The looks they shared, only the two of them and that they would surely mean that that night they wouldn’t lock the door connecting their bedrooms. Jealousy, said someone. Jealous, me? Me, someone who has a quiet, peaceful life in love with someone for years? No, that wasn’t jealousy. That was just me wanting to grab a guitar and smash it on their heads so they would behave like grown-ups. And if they were going to leave their families to be together, well they would just do it, we could give a press conference and clear everything. We were in 2017, no one would be that neither surprised nor even offended.

But that wasn’t love.

Passion? Call it whatever you want. I call it emotional co-dependence. I googled it. They need each other but I don’t think they do in a sane way. I think they need each other like an addict need heroin. And one of them knows a lot about that. They need to look at each other all the time, knowing the other is right there to not fall down, and when they go on stage, arms over their shoulders like the world belonged to them and like if a simple kiss in the cheek would mean just that, just to say good night and got to their bedroom(s). 

And when we are not on tour, I know they spend hours talking on the phone and when that’s not possible, they keep texting each other on the dinner table in front of their wives and kids. And everybody thinks that’s ok, because that’s how they’ve been since they’ve met each other and that’s how the band works.

I’m sorry. But they’re my friends.

Like I said, I’ve seen them hurt. For people that played with their feelings. And I’m afraid that they’re playing with each other without realizing it. Usually, when they come down to breakfast, they do it with a smile on their faces. But, what about the times they don’t? Those times when we all shut up when they come to the table, they aren’t even looking at each other and you can feel a dark cloud around them? It’s ok, the guys say, they’ll fix it soon. And yes, a couple hours later, they can’t take their eyes off each other again.

Until the concert on that Thursday.

I don’t know if you know exactly what happened.

Before the concert I saw them sharing a beer. I didn’t worry, even though all of us had taken a vow not to drink to help him stay sober, I decided that for that time I would let it go, not saying a word. That was just a couple sips of beer. I could easily say the concert was one of the best we ever gave. The energy between them was like a ocean wave and it was contagious to all of us. The fans were crazy. But when it came the acoustic part, I mean the one with only keyboards and voice, only the two of them, I felt something different. I can’t say what it was. Maybe the note he played wrong and corrected it in a second, or the little vibrato in the other’s voice, something he never did. From him I would have expected it, we all know why, sadly, but from… not from…no. That’s why I’m saying that what they had was not good because one of them was too influential and the other one just went with it, and ending like this one, even if it makes us terribly sad, it shouldn’t take us by surprise. That night, after the concert, we decided to go straight to the hotel, but they took a taxi and they went somewhere else. I don’t know where, but the next morning their room was a mess. Beer cans, wine bottles, cigarettes, and…several other things. I saw that when I sneaked out of breakfast while they were pouring themselves coffee. I had to corroborate my suspicions and I did. But again, when I told the others, they just shrugged “that’s how they are”, they repeated. But they were falling down in spiral and nothing could stop them and I was pretty sure nothing would stop them.

And it didn’t stopped.

Until.

I came here to give you my condolences, Anna. Because all these years you were married to him, you were our friend too. And I feel that you had to know what was happening between them. It’s only fair.

I never knew the real nature of their relationship.

Love.

Infatuation.

Need.

But it was always like they were meant to find each other. To be together. And end together. In the worst way.

I’m leaving now, don’t want to take more of your time. I’m sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you didn't hate this.  
> If you like it please leave kudos and/or comments.  
> If you didn't like it just walk away, thanks, this was a work fo fiction.


End file.
